Stream of Consciousness #5

Number 5. Like Chanel, huh? lol When i'm on Stream of Consciousness #236 this is gonna seem like a long ass time ago.
Today's theme: In life, there are no retractions, no do overs, you put it out there its out there. I say that because the girl I was talking about in my last post gave me her number...finally. Actually like right after I wrote that. Now I kinda dont want her to see it but w/e. It'll be okay. Aint no do-overs. And thats how it should be. I'm planning on doing alot of writing in the next few days so I hope you all will enjoy that. All 4 of you. lol. I'm gettin yall some company everyday though. Started out as zero. Word.
Taking life by the horns is a scary thing. Matadors get HURT out there messing around. But honestly i dont think its failure that im really afraid of. I think i'm really afraid of success. Like losing all my friends, like ppl saying I think i'm all that now. I know "the top feels better than the bottom, so much better" (50 Cent) But its lonely up there and lonely is one feeling i cannot stand.
Even with money. In the past, there was never a time when i can say i was about my money. I done got money, had money, kept money; but I was never about it. I'm kinda getting to the point where I wanna be because I'm seeing so many things fall apart, relationships, situations, oppurtunities. The one truth I am sure of about our world today is that money can give you stability and freedom and they are a hell of a pair. "When your pockets are past filled/ nigga, ass feel better, food taste better WAY BETTER, thats real/" (Me, when i used to rap, lol) But I dont want to become a slave to money. I'm scared I will. In so many ways, I see myself becoming my older cousin. He is a pretty successful drug-dealer and he taught me alot but I began to look down on him for his money-grubbin ways. We parted ways last year but as I continue to grow up, I see why he is who he is. He just saw those walls closing in a few years before I did. When you see the "walls closing in you" thats when relationships are crumbling, your support system is wavering, you're not alone without a prayer, but you feel like you're getting there and when you get like that...money seems like such a solution.
God, if you read my blog, please keep me safe from loving money. I believe YOU are gonna make me rich, I believe you are gonna keep me rich and bless me to be able to bless others. And I will. But I dont want to love money more than people. Give me a reason not to.
"Having money is not everything, not having it is." (Kanye West)
But once you walk down head-first down that money trail, its a big risk and a big question mark on whether or not you can come back to your old self. There are no do-overs in life. I feel if I work hard now and stay down, I will make a difference in alot of lives I want to. And I wanna get paid for it! lol

PUT ME IN COACH
I WANNA BALL!