Comfort

Love is uncomfortable

Emotions generally aren’t wearer friendly

Sometimes formalities are called for

You have to squeeze into a way to feel

Or tiptoe over what’s real

Emotional high heels

Its looks good, but you know you’re sore

Uncomfortable

Words sting when they scrape the subconscious

Like some tool used by some doctor…prodding

Worse still is self talk when it stirs the conscience

Nights become lonely

Sleepless

Restless

Uncomfortable

When the world feels cold

I go outside

I don’t want a warm body and a freezing soul

While my hear lets my brain think it’s in control

But the deepest pains are those my nerves can’t feel

Who’s your daddy now?

We feel abandoned, alone, hated, underrated, unappreciated

Like you’re wasting time, taking up space, you’re pacing

Like you ‘re chasing something

Tugging at your collar, its cutting off your circulation

Frustration

To the points it’s getting to tight

Damn, am I getting fat?

I’ve love me through poor choices, lapses of judgment

Bad intentions

Guilt, shame, naivety and innocence

I’ve loved myself through stupidity and ignorance

It wasn’t blissful, yearning to be forgetful

Daydreams of a pistol

Wistful of the greater danger of letting any of this all show

Truth be told

The truth is overrated though

The votes are in

Too many people think lies are the safest way to success

In any form

A pregnant pause for thought, a tear is born

For the way the world can never be, I mourn

Show my hand or play along?...

I’m torn

Ripped in half so many time by emotions doing battle inside me

I’m shifting

My leg shakes

My head throbs

It’s uncomfortable

Dont Look Back

Starting over is a fearsome task

So many questions to ask

When was I happy last?

Who should I keep around from my past?

Which of my habits should I keep?

Which ones should I trash?

It’s like moving

Choosing between those things you own

Sorting through right and wrong

Choosing between the things you love

Sometimes it’s hard to judge

Sometimes harder to let go of what was

For no better reason than because

But

That’s why GOD gave us guts

We’re blessed with instincts

For the times we cant think

It’s like the time you met the person you love

The person that helped you, hurt you

And stuck around to watch you grow.

New beginnings are like those times.

You just know

Map out where you’re going and go.

It’s hard starting over though

Trust me,

I know

But I ain’t gonna look back though.

I Gotta Write Something

I gotta write something

I feel crazy

I feel lazy

Feel ill-got no will

Feel like I’m in a car, I got the wheel

But got no wheels

Better still like I’m on a treadmill

Running, running, well…jogging

For nothing, standing still

I gotta write something

I’m a man, I guess that’s saying a lot

Strong-I can be

Perfect- I’m not

Stubborn to a fault

Dual exhaust, blowing a lot of smoke

Smoking a lot,

blowing it moaning I’m tired of lies

tired of playing it off

tired of playing

tired of feeling like already lost, tired of snapping

tired of passing blame, handing responsibility off.

Tired of running from shame

Because in the end I know this is NOT a game.

I gotta write something

My mind doesn’t tick to the same time

My gears don’t grind the same

Tired of pain holding me stuck

Like a photo

Frozen in my old mind frame

Staring…with a mourner’s tears in my eyes like I died on the inside,

Buried my head in shame.

I’m a man, that’s saying a lot

That’s saying I’m not as perfect as I’d like to think,

As strong as I would like to be

I gotta write something

Is the world so cold I’ve frozen?

Tell Sister Souljah there’s a new record

This is now the coldest winter ever.

The whole world on your shoulders gets heavier and heavier

But tony Montana said its mine and since then I been trying to carry it

A monkey on your back gets heavier and heavier

It don’t need your help

It feeds itself

It spreads its arms. It wants to choke me to sleep

I gotta write something

I don’t mean to sound depressing

I found a blessing in expressing my self-conscious sub-conscience

Even my conscience, my fears

A laureate of life’s lessons

Searching for light in a murky tunnel dripping with tears

I navigate the caverns and caves of gray matter

And gray seems so accurate some days

I elaborate that on a page then narrate that on a stage

That’s why I gotta write something

When the sky looks gray or when it’s beautiful blue

Through and through to be true I’m still not okay

Everybody’s got those days

I guess this is one of mine.

So instead of losing my mind I find the time

The words

The drive

The guts

To write something

151st Psalm

“Oh taste and see that the LORD is good.

Aaaaaw man faith is sweet

He gave me piece at all times,

Laaaaaaaaaawd GOD the victory you gave to me…

I will never taste defeat.

I hungered

And I thirsted

And it was worth it cuz I was made complete.

Who am I that You gave me a seat at Your table to eat and a savior to save me?

My Aunt Mabel would say saved me from what?

You saved me from me.

You saved me from he.

The enemy I wasn’t able to see.

See I wasn’t able to see but You opened my eyes

And you made me believe.

And greater is HE that is in me

Than he that is in the world.

I still live in the world but I live in You

And You live in me.

And You’ll never leave…nor forsake me.

What man can I say that about?

Faithfully, You protect me

Straightly, You guide my ways.

Greatly to be praised.

My heart is fixed is a phrase that can be taken two ways

Because my heart was broken

But my chest, You opened

My life, You saved

Also, now my mind is made

Your Word helped me find the way

Your proverbs teach me wisdom

Your Spirit increased my understanding so that I can live them

Please accept my thanksgiving

For I am but a sinner but You listen

You freed me from my prison

You gave your son for my redemption, You gave me a mission, You made me a Christian.

I’m a poor man

But Your grace is enriching

Because through my faith, which You strengthen

I can move mountains,

I lose count of the blessings You’ve given

The best I can be is a vessel You live in

Thank You Thank You Thank You

For who is man that You made me a little lower than the angels

A little higher than a beast

You put solid ground up under my feet

You blotted out my iniquities

O faithful Forgiver

Wonder Counselor

Righteous Ruler

Gentle Redeemer

You are an awesome wonder

For what You put together

Let no man put asunder

You made the thunder

You made the rain

You made the strong wind behind the hurricane

But I can’t complain because Your Son took all the real pain

And he said ‘Peace, be still’ and made the storm to chill

But even in the calm You still…reign

So I know trouble won’t remain

All I can pray for is Your will

I know You can

I know You will

I can’t see his face but GOD is real”